I think of closeness
i think of you
of raw hearts
open, bleeding, real
our ugliness, strangeness, heavenliness, opened and closed
the tenderness shared,
connected by a string between two raw hearts…
i crave it in every moment
I have many mixed emotions but I stop and remind myself that life is constantly cycling through strange fluid cycles of change and that this is all normal; and although it makes me anxious, I’m aware that it does, and I can say, “Hush, anxiety! You are dramatizing what is a natural cycle of life,” and I say it is normal to feel a tinge of sadness in the background of everything I do after a moment of separation like the one I just experienced, after saying goodbye for a long time.
this is me letting go of my anxious childhood; rewiring my perspective; challenging my conditioned responses
Opposing emotions are fighting in me.
I’m trying to become a better version of me, to take my world and reverse everything I know, for you, for me, but I wish it weren’t too late.
Now I am the one biting my tongue, wanting to tell you I love you.
I keep forgetting that feeling feelings is optional
I’m sorry dear, I’ve been selfish: it’s hard to see clearly when I’m stuck in a fog of my own sadness.
I don’t often get to hold something so delicate and beautiful, I need to be more gentle with you.
And I think I know what I want:
Expansion of my mind; experience; understanding and knowledge; the ability to see the world as it truly is, but to still relish in its beautiful things.
I know that you love to fill your head and heart with other people. I know you don’t miss me as much as I miss you. I’ll just wait quietly in the corner until it’s my turn for attention again.
Is this completely narcissistic?
thanks for your formalities but we both know i never fit in here and you won’t notice i’m gone