Rain

Darkness drenched the sky
The full clouds overhead simply burst
And the rain descended with a soft, heavy sigh

There among the shimmering grey puddles stood I,
Inhaling the cold sparkly droplets without a raincoat.
Water soaked into earth’s parched lips as she savored the fresh taste of life.

The hard, gritty pavement was no longer dry;
Soaked leaves floated on rivulets like tiny boats.
There I remained, watching in awe as the heavens cried.

Silver beads cascaded down from the sky
Trickled down my neck and smattered my skin
Frogs croaked in the twilight.

I became aware of my insignificance beneath the vast expanse of sky
Breathed in the cool, refreshing air
And let it fill me with an unquenchable high.

Then the rain slowly began to subside
Everything appeared sharp, clear, defined
All bathed in an earthly green light
And amidst all this pure, glowing beauty, stood I.

Do You?

I think of closeness

i think of you

of intimacy

of raw hearts

open, bleeding, real

vulnerability

our ugliness, strangeness, heavenliness, opened and closed

the tenderness shared,

connected by a string between two raw hearts…

i crave it in every moment

Do You?

I have many mixed emotions but I stop and remind myself that life is constantly cycling through strange fluid cycles of change and that this is all normal; and although it makes me anxious, I’m aware that it does, and I can say, “Dearest anxiety, you are dramatizing what is a natural cycle of life,” and I say it is normal to feel a tinge of sadness in the background of everything I do after a moment of separation like the one I just experienced, after saying goodbye for a long time.

this is me letting go of my anxious childhood; rewiring my perspective; challenging my conditioned responses

I wish I knew who I was,

minus anxiety

Dear

I’m sorry dear, I’ve been selfish: it’s hard to see clearly when I’m stuck in a fog of sadness…

I don’t often get to hold something so delicate and beautiful, I need to be more gentle with you.

And I think I know what I want:

Expansion of my mind; experience; understanding and knowledge; the ability to see the world as it truly is, but to still relish in its beautiful things.

Morning Poem

I wake up on Sunday mornings, lying next to you underneath big windows
You’re glowing in sunshine, eyelashes shimmering, lips outlined by blue sky and I become entangled in the breath that falls from you

Please don’t let me be a sad Internet girl, I’m trying hard not to be

A losing fight

I have never fought harder with someone than I have with myself

gratitudes, attitudes

but the more you realize how much you have, the more you realize how much you have to lose

A Rant from an Office Cube

 

Work until it kills you like a good citizen, stare dead-eyed into your cubicle as your soul begins to wither, sit on deteriorating muscles and still be expected to be healthy, get stuck inside your anxious head all day and still be expected to be healthy, watch a bright screen till your eyes can no longer see, till your brain can no longer compute, till your body can longer stand, till your heart can no longer feel.